Don't get me wrong

I do have good days.  Everyday is a good day with Laila.  How could it not be?  She is an absolute angel.  Perfect in every way except for those 2 shitty CF genes that she inherited from us but that's no fault of hers, or ours.  How were we to know we carriers of these crappy genes when we had no family history of CF on either side. Annoying, but anyways back to what I was talking about.  I don't want people to get the idea that I am walking around a mess, crying and depressed all day long because this is absolutely not the case.  There always is this underlying sick, heavy feeling in my heart but it stays pretty calm most days.  Night time is another story.  When she goes to bed and I have time to think, this is when I have the most trouble.  I cry most nights but rarely during the day and I keep my sadness as far away from Laila as I possibly can.  She is happy, SO HAPPY and I plan on keeping her that way.  She will need to be strong and happy to fight  and win this.  There are times when I think of something that really upsets me or I take her somewhere and I freak myself out and reality hits.  She has CF.  THIS SUCKS SO BAD.  It may slow me down for a couple hours and make me feel a little sicker than usual but she can usually cheer me up and snap me out of it pretty quick.   I don't I feel like I need to explain myself but I thought would because looking back at my posts I can see how people may get the impression that I am just a really miserable person.  We have hope.  Hope that there will be a cure and hope that she will continue to do well and all we can do is pray.