Laila's 1st Birthday

Laila turns one on November 2nd. This year has gone by so fast. It's been the best and worst year of my life all wrapped up in one. Monday I ordered some beautiful invitations for her big birthday party. I got them yesterday and today I decided after much stress and worry that I just can't do it. I can't have a 1st birthday party for her. I can't have that many people all touching her hands that will go in her mouth and kissing her. I want it for her so deeply but I can't risk the chance of her getting sick. I thought about putting a huge bottle of hand sanitizer at the front door with a note for people to use it before they came in, but that just starts the day with a vibe that I don't trust anybody that I invited. I do trust all my friends and family but I know that they don't know CF the way I do or think about every single germ the way I do. I thought about enclosing notes in the invite for people to not come if they weren't feeling 100% or if they had been around someone sick or if they had been out drinking the night before and maybe had gotten a little tipsy and didn't wash their hands after touching all kinds of things in a bar and may be sick but not have symptoms yet but I can't do that people. That is just nuts. I feel crazy. I can't help it. She's my LIFE. It's not other people's problem and they can't put themselves in a bubble they before they are going to see Laila. I feel much more comfortable just having 3 or 4 people around her at once than I do having 10, 20, 30 or 40 people. I wish it was different. I wish there was no such thing as CF but I can't change this. So I hate it but there will be no party. I will do everything I can to give her a perfect 1st birthday but it will just be us and not 40 people, a guy making tacos and a photographer but it WILL be just as special.